Four Parties And A Funeral

It may sound strange, maybe you might think it's even inappropriate to talk about a funeral at the same time as a party. Not just one party but four parties. But that is where I found myself these last few days. It was days of celebrating my Aunt Ruth's life. Yes there were tears, many many tears, all of us mourning, but there was so much love and memories being shared that it was hard not to smile more than cry.

During the wake, among others speaking about Aunt Ruth's life, celebrating her life, my cousin Steven, one Aunt Ruth's three sons, spoke about how when his father, my Uncle Tom, died almost 20 years ago that he found it wasn't fair, that his father was taken too soon, that he didn't finish living his life. Steven just didn't understand. But he said with his mother it was different. He understood her life and that it was, not his words, but it was pretty much fair.

Steven, with a little help from his brothers, built Aunt Ruth's coffin as he did for his father so many years ago. Steven is a carpenter and the coffin was beautiful with two hands carved, Aunt Ruth's signature on her notes and letters, meaning I love you this much.

Aunt Ruth lived just a few months shy of her 79th birthday. She raised seven children, was blessed with 19 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren. She spent the last few years while her health had been failing, although still living life to its fullest, with her daughter Susan and granddaughter Kelly living right downstairs from her. Every day still having a small part of her family so close, seeing them every day. And the rest of the family weren't too far away either, some living just a short ride away and others a distance drivable to see her pretty often as well.

I've always known what an amazing women Ruth Young was but I learned even more hearing stories these past few days, getting more details from all those that truly loved her, people whose lives she touched in ways that most people aren't lucky enough to ever experience.

I knew that Aunt Ruth was older when she became an RN but I learned this weekend she was 50. 50 years old and she became a nurse. Started a second career, as I consider her raising seven children, working and volunteering prior to becoming a nurse a career as well. One of the hardest. God bless parents, especially stay-at-home moms and dads, who some people think they are so lucky, "don't work" and that it's so easy to stay home all day and watch kids. Ha, ha, ha I say. It is a rewarding job, but job it is and as much as you love your children, it's still the hardest job ever.

So Aunt Ruth becomes a nurse at 50, again what an achievement after all she had already done. She worked at Spaulding Rehab in Boston and retired from Rhode Island Hospital after the family moved there. She also did so much community service, worked for the Crystal Run School in the Catskills even before she became a nurse and at the time she was still raising the younger half of her seven children. My aunt and uncle also owned a restaurant at the time, another full time job, seven days a week. And while living in Rhode Island Aunt Ruth worked for The Insight Organization for the Blind and the PACE Organization of Rhode Island.

Aunt Ruth died in a peaceful way. Yes she did live the last couple of years sick and in pain but again continued to live, every day. When she was too sick she could have had some surgery to help prolong her life, she chose not to, a choice my mother didn't have when she died in 1986, she suffered terribly for no reason. Her cancer was incurable, it was everywhere and it was obvious there was no hope. But in 1986 there was no choice for people who were that sick.

Aunt Ruth chose palliative care which concentrates on the care of physical, emotional, spiritual, and social aspects of a patient in all stages of sickness, even those who can have treatments for curable illnesses or for those who live with chronic diseases, and those who are nearing the end of life.

Aunt Ruth's last few days were spent at home, with her family and friends who loved her like family. She was at times heavily medicated and not able to do more than sleep comfortably. But the times she was awake, she was surrounded with love, pictures, music, stories. She was able to say her goodbyes and made her family and friends understand that she was ready for this, that this was her choice.

How could we not celebrate this life without smiles and laughter and love. How could there not be a party when just the immediate family alone is so large. There were so many people just wanting to share a good story, a happy story, talk about yet another achievement in this extraordinary woman's life.

After the service there was a big celebration of Aunt Ruth's life, a truly happy celebration, yes a party. We danced, we performed skits recreating fun times we shared over the years, we told stories that included Aunt Ruth and some that just were because Aunt Ruth created this wonderful family. She touched so many lives in a LARGE way.

I got to know Aunt Ruth's older grandchildren better and one is more amazing than the other, smart, kind, beautiful inside and out. Aunt Ruth grew a wonderful family, influenced her family and friends with genuine simple love and so much giving. Aunt Ruth has caused this world to be a little better sharing her spirit and those she touched will pass along a little piece of Aunt Ruth to the people in their lives, as I will. Ruth Young will live on in so many ways, in so many lives.