I See You

I started wearing eyeglasses about the time I was in fifth grade. Both my sisters grew up wearing eyeglasses and my four brothers all got away with it, not fair! We're all older now so I don't count reading glasses, although I'm almost 53 and still don't need reading glasses, unless I'm wearing my contacts, then I do the arm stretch, holding the paper so far away and still not seeing clearly so I need the reading glasses.

When I first got my eyeglasses I needed them for seeing the blackboard in school, watching TV and at the movies, otherwise my eyes were fine. I didn't have those first pair of eyeglasses very long, seriously, maybe only a week or two, and I lost them. I remember exactly where I left them though, down "Rubber Park" in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn by the big swings. Of course they weren't there when I went back for them.

I didn't take care of my glasses from the start and that neglect continued until I was out of secretarial school.

I didn't want to tell my father that I lost that first pair, not like he was going to kill me, but I knew he would be angry and I'd have to hear a whole lecture again about taking care of my glasses, and then that would lead into another discussion about responsibility and what kid wants to hear all that. So I squinted in school, sat right in front of the TV and the same at the movie theaters. My father finally noticed me sitting in front the TV, which I would do with my eyeglasses, so I had been getting away with it for some time. I don't think there's a kid out there who hasn't been told a gazillion times to sit back away from the TV. So my father tells me to sit back from the TV and then notices I'm not wearing my glasses and tells me to put them on. Now I have to tell him. When, is his first question and I'm like, a while now. Now he's angry about the glasses and the fact that I didn't tell him for so long! You think I would have followed that thought process through when I decided not to tell him right away. Never smart enough to know it all, as I know I had told my parents a gazillion times. I know, I know. Yeah I knew.

It ended up that my eyes got worse and I needed to wear my glasses all the time. Well at least I wouldn't lose them. But boy did my glasses, and I had many, many pairs, go through the ringer with me.

First they were always filthy. I remember my Uncle Richie, who wore glasses, was always looking at my mine and saying, do you ever wash your glasses. No. Never. Put them on in the morning and put them in various places before bed. I slept on the top of our bunk beds and not having a nightstand, I just left them wherever. I stepped on them, dropped them, but I didn't lose them. I remember, I was in high school, and had glasses with a clear frame and the lenses would pop out because they weren't sized right, which I should have told my father right away. Not me. I taped them back together, it matched the clear frame, well not really, but kinda.

One day I was getting a drink at the water fountain and a lens fell out and broke. I put it back in and taped it til it finally just wouldn't stay. I know I had been begging my father for wire-framed glasses all the time, which weren't on the plan. And plus he was always reminding me that I didn't take good care of my glasses. And, anyone remember that? Now kids can get contacts on the plan. The "plan" glasses for us were the ugliest, and wire frames were not on the plan. Of course he bought me wire framed glasses, spoiled me rotten that wonderful man. Yeah the wire frames didn't work either. The nose pieces, kind of a cushion for your nose, those were gone pretty quick, so the wire prongs that the little cushion sat on, they just ground more deeply into my nose, making that eyeglasses' mark even worse. And they were much more fragile than my pastic frames, I did in wire frames really quick, they didn't stand a chance with me.

I don't remember feeling nerdy wearing glasses but I do remember girls in grade school that did feel uncomfortable (or not pretty) when wearing eyeglasses. I remember one girl would put them on and keep her hands around them the whole time, trying to hide them. She just stood out more. I still remember all these years later that one thing about her. Not her name, not what she looked like with or without glasses. All I can remember is her hiding her glasses.

Now as much as I didn't think I looked nerdy I didn't think I was pretty either.

Have you ever seen Molly Shannon playing Mary Katherine Gallagher on Saturday Night Live? She even had a movie, Superstar, and played Mary Katherine too. Now I wasn't as nuts as Mary Katherine Gallagher, well okay, I was and still am a little nutty, but I've never smelled my armpits, well okay, just not in public! But I do look the same don't I?! And at this age I too thought I was going to be a superstar, just like Mary Katherine Gallagher, again not thinking I was so nerdy.



When I got my first job, I bought my first pair of contacts. I started to care. Eyeglasses were now an obstacle because I had bad vision and now for meeting guys. Do men make passes at women with glasses? Oh yes they do! And vice versa. But at 19 and 20, I still didn't know, that everything I thought "I knew", I didn't know. Got that?

I loved contacts, and, then, when they came out with the ones you could sleep with, I was even happier. I didn't have to wear glasses anymore. I could see clear all the time!

It's funny, but my whole life I have pretty much felt that people who wear glasses look very attractive, pretty, handsome, cute, adorable, etc., but not me. Again I didn't think I looked nerdy, but I never looked in the mirror and saw them as attractive, cute, etc. I saw them as an obstacle and as not pretty.

For the last few years I have stopped wearing my contacts. It ended up like I said above that I needed to wear glasses with my contacts and ended up always searching for them and getting so frustrated not being able to see right away. An obstacle. It's easier for me to just wear my glasses when I need them and take them off for everything else. What's the difference. Right? I can watch TV without them, work on the computer without, just not drive. I wear my glasses to parties, on dates, I don't care. I don't need them to see the person in front of me, but I do need them for distance and outside my "safe zone", wherever that might be, I'd rather have my glasses on to see everything as far away as possible. I wonder if all people who wear glasses, with my kind of vision, do the same?

I am much more careful with my glasses than in the past. I pay for them. My father used to like that, used to tease me all the time, "oh, you buy no frills for your apartment, you take care of your things now." Now I can say I know. Somewhat.

I also do know now that, I look pretty, cute, sexy, smart, silly, insane, whether I wear my glasses or not and everyone who does, or does not, the same!

To all my fellow four-eyed beauties, young and old....I see you!

A little more of Mary Katherine Gallagher, a skit from Saturday Night Live. Whitney Houston was the musical guest, so she's in the skit as are Rosie O'Donnell and Penny Marshall as the nuns. This clip doesn't show enough of the scene, they were all cracking up at Molly playing Mary Katherine. Try to catch a repeat on TV or maybe you can find it on line?! Enjoy!