You Can't Always Get What You Want, But...

Quoting the Rolling Stones:

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

A few blogs ago I wrote about my friend Kathy, my niece Gracie and my Molly, three very special loves in my life that were born on November 21.

Kathy as usual posted a comment. As much as she looks forward to my blog, I look forward to her words of love and support on a daily basis too. And though Gracie's not old enough to be interested in my blog, I know someday she will be, and more, she will love reading what her mother had to say, since Gracie's mom, my cousin Chrissy, thanked me for writing about her daughter and has commented on many of my blogs.

The comment on that blog that I most wanted to reply to was Kathy's sister, Irene, and I didn't want to just reply as a comment. First I love so much that Irene is reading my blog. I met Kathy in freshman year of high school and though she switched after 2 years, she couldn't stand the "Catholic school atmosphere", we remained friends. I probably met Irene when I was a freshman, I was still living in Brooklyn at the time, as did Kathy's family, and I was at Kathy's house many times as she was at mine, we got to know each others' families well. Irene is Kathy's younger sister and she eventually joined me at Saint John Villa Academy in Staten Island so I got to know her even better.

One thing Irene said was remember the library. I don't!!! Irene (or Kathy) will have to remind me. I love when some one does that! I'm like, yeah, oh yeah, I remember now. Can't wait to be reminded!

Irene also said it was so nice to hear stories of her sister, her big sister, who probably drove her crazy at times while at the same time being her best friend. I'm blessed with 2 sisters and we had the same relationship growing up and now we're older and the same, best friends and drive each other crazy at the same time. But a bind that can't be broken. We don't live close by to each other now, and it's hard, we miss each other. Kathy just recently moved to Florida, Irene is still up here, but no matter how far, you can't cut those ties when you have a good sister (or 2).

I was blessed with 2 younger sisters, also 3 older brothers and 1 younger brother. The one thing that I didn't have was a big sister. When Irene commented it just reminded me again how I was blessed with the big sister I always wanted from the least likely person.

I've blogged about how my older brother Michael would drive me crazy as a kid, tease me all the time, but Michael also had the biggest heart, when he loved, he loved deeply and when he met a girl named Debbie he fell in love right away, told my mom he had met the girl he would marry, and he did.

I loved Debbie right away, my whole family did. Now I had a little sister named Debbie and a big sister named Debbie! Got confusing at times, still does, I think my Aunt Libby still refers to my younger sister Debbie as "Little Debbie". Nicknames! That's a blog in itself!

When Michael met Debbie I was about 16. My youngest brother and sister both grew up with Debbie in their lives, so young when they first met, I don't think either of them can remember a time when Debbie wasn't in our lives.

(Little sister Debbie, big sister Debbie, Michael, Linda and Joey at Great Adventure)

Debbie brought me closer to Michael, he was always super loving when he was not busting on me, but especially when they were dating, Debbie could get Michael to do pretty much anything for her, including not teasing me! Sunday dinners at my parents' home was a regular thing. Debbie loved my mom, hanging with her, she knew she hit gold with a mother-in-law like my mom and my mom felt the same way about her daughter-in-law. Debbie's family became our family, her sister especially, Malea and her husband Pete and their kids were at our Sunday dinners so many times.

Debbie is only two years older than me, but you know how at certain times two years can make such a big difference. At 16 I needed a big sister, it was nice having Debbie around, she looked out for me. I had a big sister I could confide in, ask questions that are just easier sharing with a big sister. And if there is one person in this world that really knows me and can call me out when I'm wrong, immature, whatever, it's Debbie. Not only that, I can face it with her because she's not judging me, she wont carry a grudge. And when I'm stubborn (unfortunately a Gillen trait) Debbie makes me face it and deal with it. My brother Joey quotes a lot of things Debbie taught him, again he was so young when they met and though she may not realize it, he looked up to her, paid attention to her, loved her and of course still does and lots of times when Joey and I are talking about a problem or certain situation he'll quote a "Debbie-ism" and I'm like, yup, she's right again.


(Debbie and Joey)

I spent even more time with Michael because of Debbie and when Irene was born, fuhgettaboutit, Irene was the star of the family, the first grandchild on our side of the family, my first niece, the second most beautiful gift my brother Michael gave to me. (Debbie, Irene and me)
I lived a few blocks away from Debbie and Michael when Irene was born, and Irene, so perfect and beautiful, was unfortunately a colicky baby for months! It was hard on Debbie, and I would always go over to just be with Irene and also giving Debbie a break. I remember one time Debbie just wanted to take a shower by herself, 20 minutes of peace, a rare and simple pleasure that moms don't get when they have babies around, Irene was maybe about 18 months old. Debbie snuck away while I was playing with Irene and had about 60 seconds of privacy. Irene heard the shower, got naked in seconds and was crying and pounding at the bathroom door the whole time Debbie was taking her "relaxing" shower.

When my mom got sick, she was really the big sister I needed, even though I was in my late 20s at the time, as hard as it was for me, I'd be worse off if I didn't have my big sister at that time and after that. She's been there for me at my best times and my darkest, just there for me.

Maybe a story for another day, maybe not, but my brother Michael died in 1988, just 33 years old, it was a bad time for all of my family and of course most of all his daughter who would never get to know her father.

Debbie remarried and though she has a new husband, Jim, she's still our family as is her husband, now my brother in law, their child, Irene's younger brother Jason, is my nephew. Again I'm so blessed, my family just grew bigger instead of falling apart. I credit my big sister for that. Gillens are a stubborn breed, some more than others, but it runs through us all. Funny my mom was not, my big sister Debbie is not, but my older brothers, my sisters, me, we are, as is Michael and Debbie's Irene, she's a Gillen in so many ways and she'll tell you flat out when she's being "Gillenish".

Debbie called me this morning (big sister Debbie). We don't get to talk a lot but try to have early morning calls as she's driving to work and I'm home having my morning coffee. We also went out to dinner, just the two of us a couple of weeks ago and it was great. But this morning when Debbie called it was like getting one of those answers I blogged about. I said I pray for things or situations and most of those prayers don't happen, but when I ask a question, to God, the cosmos, the universe, I always get an answer. Debbie called this morning when I really needed to talk. She's always been my rock and I know no matter what I do, she will always be there for me, my big sister.

The Rolling Stones sang you can't always, which means you can some times. I'm the some times you can . I got what I wanted and needed.